SSP Ep001 - "Today's The Day" - The Ups And Downs Of Marriage & Parenting...

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On this episode, we (Jaana & Paul ) embark on our first ever podcast show where we discuss life, marriage and parenting with a light-hearted and humorous look. Diving head first with a recap of the past week with our son's heart procedure and some backstory of his congenital heart defects and previous surgeries as a newborn. We discuss some of his special needs challenges, how we cope with those challenges as parents, the impending doom of turning 40, our upcoming trip to Mexico, the weird world of ASMR and making money on youtube and so much more!

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Cheers. We didn't heat it up or cool it down. It's room temperature sake.

Speaker 2: 0:06

Oh, sorry. People do that nowadays. Oh, okay. Well it's actually delicious. Mystery rubbing alcohol we had at lunch. This is episode one. Today's the day.

Speaker 1: 0:32

Hi. So we've been trying to do this for three weeks. Paul has been diligently building a studio in our garage for weeks. About three weeks. Yeah. And almost every day he's like, today's the day we're going to podcast today. And introvert Yanas like you don't want to have to talk, can be pulling teeth. Nice. But he knows how to get me to talk and that's just a little, little liquored up. There's a lot of things I can get her to do with a little boots. Okay. Yeah, it's true. Yeah, it's true. We're not alcoholics. Okay. Not that there's anything wrong with being an alcoholic. Right. But just a little weekend. Yeah. Joy after the week we've had, so you don't want to tell it. You want me to tell him you're better at telling me finish.

Speaker 3: 1:37

Hmm.

Speaker 2: 1:38

It involves our child.

Speaker 1: 1:41

So we have, uh, an eight year old named Stevie. I'm sure you've heard of him and he has special needs. Uh, the first thing that pointed to his special needs was a heart defect. He was born with a heart defect and he was two weeks old when we discovered it. He's had open heart surgery to fix it. He's had three open heart surgeries actually. And he is, he is considered repaired. They had to insert a pulmonary valve for him cause he was born without one. But it's been about eight years since they put that pulmonary valve in and which is great. We were expecting it to last couple of years, couple of years, five years maybe. So we thought he'd need another open heart surgery at five years old. But he's gone eight years and he's been healthy. No complaints there. But he's reached a point where the valve that they put in is starting to shrink and shrivel. It's a cows jug Mueller valve. So since it's not human tissue, it doesn't grow with him and we knew it would need to be replaced at some point. And now is that time. So this week they told us they could probably replace it in the Cath lab, which is way better than open heart surgery.

Speaker 3: 2:57

But

Speaker 4: 3:01

well, they decided that they want, what they initially wanted to do was put in a stent to keep it open. A couple of years longer going into it. They, the doctors felt that because of some irregular irregularities with how his heart was formed, performing this procedure may cost compression on another artery, which could be lethal. Exactly. So he wouldn't know until he goes in there and sees it for himself. And if that was the case, he's not going to proceed.

Speaker 1: 3:41

Well, the plan all along though was to do a cath procedure. They would balloon the vein, the artery where the, where the, uh, they call it a tea can take gra where are the cows valve is. They would balloon it, they'd put a little cage in there to keep it open and that would carry him another couple of years. And so that was the plan this whole week. And Yeah, because of a, they call it a coronary variant, one of his arteries is out of place. If they put the stone tune, it would squish the other artist.

Speaker 4: 4:13

Squish the other artery, and kill him. So they decided not to do that and they let us know that instead he will need some open heart surgery coming up in the near future, which is not news that I wanted to hear. Um, I felt like Paul handled the news a lot better than I did. I'm disappointed to say the least because I think my whole thing is like, it would just be nice to catch a break because he's had so many procedures done.

Speaker 1: 4:48

That it would have been nice if this just worked right. Although I can't say I'm surprised that

Speaker 4: 4:54

no, it's not. I think that's probably why I handled it the way it did because I'm not surprised that it didn't go as planned or the way that we wanted it to go. But it's the best case scenario considering the situation.

JAANA: 5:09

isn't it?

PAUL: 5:09

Yeah, because I think if, if we had some hot shot

Speaker 1: 5:12

doctor in there who thought he can make it happen, he would have gotten in the mix. I'm going to fix this through the cath lab and then he would have killed him. Yeah. Well, yeah. And that maybe put it that way is the best case. So it's the best case scenario.

Speaker 4: 5:27

I think it worked out. The only shitty thing is that in four months we're going to have to go through an actual surgery, which at this age could prove to be difficult.

Speaker 1: 5:39

Very difficult. When they're a baby, when they're 10 months old, they can't move, they can't go anywhere. And it's super easy. Yeah.

Speaker 4: 5:45

To keep them, you know, in line.

Speaker 3: 5:49

Okay.

Speaker 1: 5:49

Yeah. Stevie is not one who's known. Tim Relax. He's not a relaxing type. So there's not a whole lot of

Speaker 4: 5:56

consoling,

Speaker 1: 5:58

like just out all day watching movies that does, that doesn't exist in our life. There's no watching movies. There's 10 minutes of Ipad, an hour of cars. Yeah. Back and forth. And that's basically what we do when he's home. And so to imagine an open heart surgery and possibly four to six weeks of recovery time just makes me want to Barf. Luckily I have a job. Yeah. Paul gets to go to work. I'll be home, summer break, like try not to rip my hair out. Um, but no, it'll, I mean I was really nervous about the cath procedure. For some reason my brain just kept going to like worst case scenario, like for some reason it was like, what if, I mean it's so horrible to think these things before somebody goes into surgery, especially your own child. But it was like I kept picturing the doctor coming in and saying it didn't work and he's not waking up. That was like where my brain was at before this procedure for like two weeks and I just couldn't wrap my brain around. I couldn't wrap my head around it going well for some reason. So I was just like in a real funk about it, didn't want to do it was really nervous. Um, the day before the procedure, I just like, bawled, like cried really hard for like 15 minutes and then I felt a lot better the next day. Game faces on, let's go kick some ass, let's go do this. And then it didn't work. So yeah, it was just disappointing. I think this is funny, but it wasn't your worst case scenario. So it wasn't my worst case scenario. Thank God. So it was perfect. Yeah, but it reminded me a lot of the first time he had open heart surgery. So his first open heart surgery was a total surprise. He was two weeks old, the he had, we had his two week pediatrician checkup and she was like, his skin looks blue. And we were like, oh, okay. Do you think I'm going to send you to the Er to make sure it's not a respiratory infection or something with the heart. So we Mosey our way over to the Er and he was like not good. He was at 30% oxygen levels and the hospital was freaking out. And his first surgery was a success initial initially, but they called us back and said some, he went into cardiac arrest and we're going to have to open him up and fix whatever's going on in there. And so at that point, after the first open heart surgery didn't work and they had to open him up again. I was in like a place of no return. That was my darkest moment of my life. You know, it's like the things that you start thinking about when you're imagining losing a child is really awful and traumatizing to be honest. And so I don't know if that kind of stuff was just coming back into my head

Speaker 4: 9:07

or what's different. Totally different in an odd way. It's like, yeah, he's your kid and you love him, but you've only known him two weeks. Yeah. Your attachment to them is not as great as having an eight year old,

Speaker 1: 9:23

I guess. And plus you're just kind of dropping the baby, but you've also been dropped.

Speaker 4: 9:28

Did that situation and there's no time to even like process. And so this time, here you are, you have this person that you've been living with for eight years and you've had weeks and weeks and months to think about the worst case scenario in that situation. You didn't have that.

Speaker 1: 9:46

That's very true. That was all a surprise. It was all just like, do what she gotta do. Total survival mode. This was, yeah, I mean, yeah, it was preparing for it and um, and yeah, like 95% of my life revolves around this kid. And so to think like that that could possibly go wrong or like not be there was really intense. So, and it still is really intense. And so I think part of the hope of doing the cath procedure was it like we could put this on the backburner for a few more years and it didn't work, so we can't, and now it's like, okay, now we have to face an open heart surgery and just dealing with that anxiety and that acceptance and that fear of loss for the next few months until we get past

Speaker 4: 10:36

the open heart. Right, right, right. How do you do that? You don't,

Speaker 1: 10:42

I know you don't really, you just do your best every day. It's just like one day at a time. Right. Oh, all right. So a couple other things happen this week. Oh really? Well, what have you got family stuff going on? I think one of the hardest things about dealing with aging parents is like seeing yourself in that position, right. In many, many hours

Speaker 4: 11:06

remembering, oh, I'm, I'm 40. And I remember when my parents were 40. Oh yeah.

Speaker 1: 11:14

And now they're so old. Yeah. Now they're old. Yeah.

Speaker 4: 11:17

And they're dealing with things. Or like, I remember when my dad turned 30 and I thought he was like so old and now like I'm 40 and I'm, I don't, I don't feel old. Right. You're not 40 yet. No.

Speaker 1: 11:31

Creeping up on it. I'm not garbage. Yes. I still have time. I still have time. You know, I turned 40 in January and I actually think 30 was harder for me because I had some kind of expectation of where my life would be and 40 so different. I had girlfriends who came out and surprised me for my birthday. I had girl, like I have this Disney crew that I went to club 33 with and saw them and hung out. Um, I had another group of girlfriends I went to Arizona with and we went to like a spa retreat and it was just like everything you could possibly hope for when you're 40 is to have like a core group, like a solid marriage and a core group of girlfriends that you can trust and rely on to do things with. It was just like, I never knew how important that would be and it has been my saving grace over the last few years is like building these female relationships a different way to celebrate your 40th, the new imagine. Totally different. I thought I was going to have like some big ranger. I mean when I turned 30 I told Paul like 30 was whatever, but for 40 like I want to do it huge. I want to have like every single person that I've ever known is going to come. We're going to be like some huge party and I didn't know where or how it would work, but that was kind of the idea leading up to it. And then as my birthday got closer, I just cared less and less about what happened. It was like it went from a huge ranger to like, oh, maybe Paul will take me out to a nice restaurant, and they didn't even do that. We didn't even do that week, but I had all these like fun trips and so January was like such an epic month for me. I had so much fun turning 40 that it made the whole transition into my forties like so much easier. So I'm hoping I can just carry that with me. What do you want to do for her 40th oh my gosh. It's like two months away. Do you want to do something? We have a couple options. Some options. One option is to go to Las Vegas with children. I have some friends going, which sounds amazing, doesn't it? Not False idea of a fun weekend. I'm going to take Steven experiment. Spearmint rhino literally explode. He would just be like, I don't understand what's going on. They are naked, naked, but listen, that doesn't have to be your actual birthday celebration. It just happens to fall on your birthday weekend, which right, which is my birthday, which is your birthday. But we could always do something else for the actual celebrate.

Speaker 4: 14:25

We're planning and hopefully we will book these tickets. We got to hear this week, very soon, this week, this week. The idea is, um, a good old friend of mine from that I met on a show many, many years ago, over at, over 12 years ago is turning 50. Somehow that son of a bitch and his wife have retired early in Mexico. So they live in Merida, Mexico and they've retired at 50 and they're going to throw a big birthday party for him in Mariah and Mariah and Yucatan. And it's like in the southern part of the golf I guess. Right. And it's, I supposed to be amazing and it's like the safest city city and Mexican Mexico and it's beautiful and it's, there's like swimming caves and shopping and, yeah. And so that's the plan for me.

Speaker 3: 15:23

Yeah.

Speaker 4: 15:24

And so I might as well just make that my 40[inaudible] I'll just piggyback on his fifth.

Speaker 1: 15:30

Your 40th it's my, yeah, no, your 50th of 40 is the new 50 other 50 is my new Ford Go. Yeah, I mean this, that's the idea. It sounds like an amazing trip. I'm very excited for it. There was never a moment where I was like, oh, I don't think we should go. Even when they told us Stevie was going to need open heart surgery this summer, I was like, so let's get some Mexico before that happened. Oh yeah. Mostly gophers. Yes. Then open heart surgery second. Yes. Um, priorities, priorities people. But yeah. Then uh, we're hoping you have to fly through Mexico City to get to Mariden, right?

Speaker 4: 16:09

Marita, right? Uh Huh.

Speaker 1: 16:15

Right. And so I want to spend you or his headphones.

Speaker 4: 16:20

Hear me say it properly. I can hear you. Can you hear me? I can't hear you. You can't hear me? What I'm doing? Yes ma'am, sir. That's a whole other, I think we should do, we'll do in the future we'll do one full podcast for[inaudible]. We'll just talk to each other. And stroke are microphones, like brush her hair, brush her hair for 45 minutes. I mean, I know people that love it. I know I watched a documentary on it and it kind of weird. So, not to go off on a tangent, but we'll come back.

Speaker 1: 16:57

Silver item, we'll get back to Mariah, Maura, Murray, Marita.

Speaker 4: 17:05

I'm making funny. I don't think anybody in Mexico calls it. What did you call it that either, maybe that that's how I would say met either. I don't know. It's getting racist now. It's getting a little bit, but okay, so I saw something somewhere on youtube. All of a sudden it, it's taken me like 15 years to get into youtube, but I'm, I'm into youtube and I came into this thing and this guy, this guy's like, this is how you make money on youtube. Yeah, yeah. What? Yeah, I know where you're going with this. That's all he goes. You go through and you find videos that have done really well, like cat videos. Okay. Right. Really cute cat videos. You download those videos using a youtube ripper and then you compile a new cat video. Just rearranged the cat videos. No. Yes. You take multiple cat videos, rearrange the cat videos and then re upload the cat video and call it best cute cat videos of 2019 oh my God. This was the guy's money. Moneymaking ideas. This is the idea we are doing life wrong is essentially what I saw Mike. Finally I can retire, edit cap. Vinny had a cat videos. Um, I swear to God that literally went through my head for like 10 minutes. This is happening tonight. I'm going to go download cavities. So I would like, okay, what, what are people into? And I was like, oh that weird shit where people are whispering in microphones. So I started searching youtube for MSR videos. Did you get into it? Is it like a thing for you now? Not at all. No. I mean it's a little too sexual, right? It feels kind of fetishy. There's a little fetishy. I mean it's cool for like two minutes and then it's done well in the documentary that I saw too was like, it wasn't sexual at all. People use it to relax. Remember she went to this like ams our house? No, it's totally sexual. Oh

Speaker 3: 19:14

Wow.

Speaker 4: 19:17

I mean, unless it's like, okay. There was a few that like, like there's chewing ones. I know there was a sexy, most of them are very cute women. Oh, okay. Doing it. Yeah. And then there's a few where they're just kind of like average looking dudes and you never want to see an average. You don't want to see me stroking and whispering into a microphone. Beg to differ. You know you don't want me doing it. It's gross. It's euros. I'm sorry. When they said they like listening to chewing, I was like, I'm out. That's like my least favorite thing. Especially if there's like a clicking sound or like a repetitive, anything repetitive as hard for me anyway. But I have a girlfriend who swears by them head massages. No. So it's like you know that no,

Speaker 3: 20:10

right.

Speaker 4: 20:11

Did that do anything? I'm, I'm massaging my micro if you're not good at this. Oh currently

Speaker 3: 20:18

that's better.

Speaker 4: 20:20

And she said it totally relaxes her. Like she feels like she's getting a massage.

Speaker 3: 20:25

Sure.

Speaker 4: 20:27

So the only way to get to Maddie, Maddie, that either or so bad, the only way to get there is through Mexico City. So the idea was that shit were there. Who knows? One will ever get back to Mexico. We'll make a pit stop in Mexico. So I have to be honest, there was a show

Speaker 1: 20:48

on Netflix called in Mexico, which was basically like the real housewives of Mexico City. I was sold. I'm like, I got to go to Mexico City. It looks amazing. And that's really what did it for me. If I hadn't seen that show, I probably would be like, eh, whatever. But after watching that, I was like, nope. Gotta go. It's like a totally hit metropolitan place. We're doing it. So either a day before Mariah or a day after Mariah, we're only going to be there for a short time. I feel like it's just not enough. I know. I do feel like the trip is, yeah, I feel like we're cheating our time there. And then I think we're cheating our time in Mexico City and we're just going to have to plan two trips I guess. But it's hard because two full days we'll go to just traveling. Yeah, so far. Yeah. It's like a nine hour journey down there. So that's one full day there. And one full day back. And then we just have a few days in between to see everything we want to see, which is basically impossible. But maybe it will give us a little taste. We'll just kind of go from there. I don't know, but I am pumped. I'm so ready to go. I'm so ready. Are you? Yes. Like I've been sewing my outfits already cause I'm kind of excited. We haven't flushed it. I am sewing outfits. Feel the Mexican air on, you know it's going to be amazing. And I have addressed plan for the 50th birthday dinner and I'm going to make, it's exciting. It's very exciting. It's a big trip. It's going to be a lot of Instagram stories about it. F Y. So what else? What else? Well, well what are we even doing this for? A therapy. Oh listen. So Paul and I have a lot of fun when we talk. What do we have? Fun. I mean, so listen, it's nice. We don't have a ton of time. Not necessarily the word. It's true. We don't have a ton of time to just sit together and dish and talk about life and what's going on. And so a lot of times we'd find ourselves over a glass of wine or a beer. Just Chit chatting about Laura was, yes, we go on morning walks about once a week and we just talk about everything that's going on and so we thought, why not? Why not record a podcast like I'm sure people can relate. I can relate. Then you know what? It'll be in our heart chives, it'll be in our archives for a one day when our child, my care f ever, we wanted to try something different. Listen, Paul and I have a lot of ideas. We get a lot of ideas and at least we executed on one. This one finally we are executing on because he set up this whole studio and relatively little investment because we have so much equipment, so we are, we're going to try it out. We'll see how it goes. Why not? Why the F not? Why not?

Speaker 2: 24:30

If you're listening, make sure you like subscribe and share this podcast with your friends. We also have a website, w w w and make sure you check our website@spousalsupportpodcast.com. I almost nerds. I love my husband.