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On this episode, we discuss all the highs and mostly lows of fitness after the age of forty (40). Paul talks about how he was the least athletic person growing up and after gaining over 50 lbs after high school and throughout his twenties, he began to adobt a healthier lifestyle and has actually enjoyed exercise since he started 5 years ago. Jaana, not so much. Jaana talks about the motivating factors of diet and exercise and how much it's been a challenge to continue to exercise 4 days a week when she's not seeing the big changes she hoped for.
www.SpousalSupportPodcast.com
On this episode, we discuss all the highs and mostly lows of fitness after the age of forty (40). Paul talks about how he was the least athletic person growing up and after gaining over 50 lbs after high school and throughout his twenties, he began to adobt a healthier lifestyle and has actually enjoyed exercise since he started 5 years ago. Jaana, not so much. Jaana talks about the motivating factors of diet and exercise and how much it's been a challenge to continue to exercise 4 days a week when she's not seeing the big changes she hoped for.
I work out three days a week, four days a week, and I hate every second
Speaker 2:second of it. And I let Paul know about it. I'm like the worst person to work out. Yes. Yeah you are. I am. Because I complained the whole time and like, how are we doing this? What's the point of this? I hate this. I don't feel good. I hate working out. I still hate it. Still hits five years later. Yeah, it's been five years and I'm like, so this year I made a new year's resolution to like not complaining so much and that lasted like a month.
Speaker 1:This is episode three, no energy person. I'm going to start with the hey with the chunk of the day. Okay. And it's called Daydream Rosé so it's Kinda perfect, right? Cool. Well it's a rose blend from peep organic. I think that's from trader Joe's. It is. May find it to me and I'm very excited about it globally. Rosie, cheers. Hmm. I have bubbly Paul's drinking soda because he's at the peak of fit, which just so happens to be our topic. Lucky you. You are a master come up yet. Let everyone see really quick. Huh? Look at, look at this kid had it here. This boy look at with Biba dip shit. Ah, I mean he's a door. Say Hello. Say Hello. Say Hello. Okay. What are your map? Oh, he's going to be dejected or it's going to bite your hands the whole time. We don't have much time. Come on. Okay, you sit. So he's really excited cause he won't, I can't say it out loud, but he wants to go get Steve. I know he does. He's like, let's get it. The witching hour. Anything after 6:30 PM he starts to freak like the family needs to be home. I can't understand why we're not all together. Right. It's okay. Okay. We'll be together soon. So fitness, fitness, Miss. After let's, we're 40 Paul's almost 40 almost were free. Basically I'm dipping my tits in forties doe. I was going to say Dick, I'm dude dip in my Dick and forties my tits was funny. I was like, oh, that's cool. Yeah. What if, what if Yanas mother watches Dick? No, she just said, no, she's her. Now. She's heard me say deck and tips, but I don't care if my, if my mother hears me only wine. But yes, we're dipping our dicks in forties hole is what we're doing here. Only about a month and a half away, I'll be 40. And so fitness. Now look, I never, ever, ever, ever, ever, the only thing that I was ever, the only thing I was good at, I was never good at sports. I was the catcher at in tee ball. You don't need a catcher in tee ball. Rarely does the catch or do anything. But I was Chubby and they felt bad for me. So they gave you a position? I certainly wasn't a position. Um, I look, I was always last to be called because I was sucked, uh, at kickball or dodge ball when it was my turn. Typically like the entire outfield would come in because they knew it wasn't going to go pull is coming up. So yeah, my self esteem is awesome. And um, what was I gonna say? Oh. So then like really, you know, every quarter or every semester in junior high and high school, they would do, um, a physical fitness test and you have to run a mile, do sit ups, sit and reach. I think that was it. It was like those three things. Yeah. Um, and I was always, I'm extremely flexible
Speaker 2:to a fault. Yeah. He's not lying there too. Like he would really love Yoga, but he has, I probably, yeah, I could do anything. Right. They just don't have time
Speaker 1:for yogurt. Yogurt. I Love Yogurt though. Um, the Greek variety. So I was fat. I got fat and like I think I was only skinny for like three to not even skinny. I was normal for like two years of my life in high school, in high school. Um, and then the rest of the time I was kind of plump, pleasantly plump. And then we met and then we ate lots of pizzas together. Oh, thank God.
Speaker 2:Eat. We'd eat all, we would split an extra large pizza from Papa John's with the bar butter with butter sauce and ranch dressing. We, we frequented Bob's big boy at like two o'clock in the morning for French fries and grilled cheese and club sandwich. I mean, we didn't, we did not hold back at all. We love to eat together. We still love to eat together. Food is food is my life. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And, and then so then after and then after we broke up and then I drank a lot with my buddies because we were in college and it was like five nights a week we were out drinking and inevitably it was followed by grilled cheese sandwiches. Yeah. So I put on quite a lot of weight. I think I had maybe two 50 at one point. Okay. And I'm only five[inaudible] nine yeah, that's a lot.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 2:Whatever. I still liked you. I know, but that's not healthy for me. Yeah, I get that. Yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm not saying you can't, you shouldn't be fat or big or that two 50 is a bad thing. I'm no offense to anybody who is two 50 but for me, I felt too much. Yeah. So then we hit like 35 Stevie was three years old. Yeah. Sounds right. Three or four years old. He had just started school and then we were just like, let's do, let's start working out.
Speaker 2:Well Paul really wanted to, and I hadn't, I was not a fitness guru by any means. I played volleyball in high school and kept like somewhat active. And before I got pregnant I had been running on my own. I did good writing. I did like a couch to 10 K and I'm, so there was a few things I did to try, like kind of try to stay in somewhat like minimal shape. Um, but then when Paul really wanted to get serious about it, I felt like, well, it's a good opportunity to support him and to also do something good for myself. So we went to a trainer for a couple of years. We started with just going to the gym. Oh yeah, we were going to the gym on her own first. No, we were like making no progress, like lifting weights. Totally wrong. You know, just didn't understand fitness. I would say yes.
Speaker 1:I would say three weeks into it. Yeah. We run into a guy who training somebody there and I knew him. I knew him from before this Guy Mike w. If it wasn't for him, like I wouldn't know what to do.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we probably still would be totally lost. Yeah. He just showed us proper form, proper technique like how to do high intensity workouts, right. How to use all the machines. So he just paved the way for us to like make ourselves
Speaker 1:learn, learn. And so we did that for like two years with him. Two days of almost, it was two years. When did we start at 14 to 25th January 20 you know better than me. I don't remember. I have a really bad memory. Yeah, we started in January, 2014 okay, sounds good. And then we worked out like almost two days a week and then we do two days with him two days a week. And then we had two days a week of running on and so I went from like 240 pounds to two to 190590990 by like September. I remember all this stuff by like September of like 2015 k before we moved, I hit 190 and that's the lowest I've ever been since maybe high school.
Speaker 2:And then for me it was a little bit different because the two years that we were working out, I didn't notice any weight fluctuations. In fact, it may have even gained a little weight because of the muscle. Um, and so it wasn't until May of 2015 that I changed my, well that because I started like a diet program, like legit hardcore Diet Program in May of 2015 I remember, cause I have pictures of it, like I went from Chunky to sleek and like three months. But yeah, I started a hardcore diet program and so I didn't notice any fluctuation in my weight until I changed my eating habits. Right.
Speaker 1:90%.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah. It's not just working out for sure. It's like the last 10
Speaker 1:20% to help you look a little well cause you could look it skinny but not have any definition or muscles or anything. Sure. No, no real body composition changes happen unless you start working on building muscle.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And from what I understand it, I'm an expert and you know, the more muscle you have, the more calories you burn during the day without exercising.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So be quiet. I hate talking about muscles and you know, to be honest, I have not been a good, I always tell my girlfriends, it's like I work out three days a week, four days a week, and I hate every second of it. And I let Paul know about it. I'm like the worst person to work out. Yes. Yeah, you are. I am. Because I complained the whole time. They're like, why are we doing this? What's the point of this? I hate this. I don't feel good. I hate working out. I still hate it. Still hates us five years later. Yeah, it's been five years. And I'm like, so this year I made a new year's resolution to like not complain so much and that lasted like a month. It's Christ, but it's one of those things. It's like, I know if I fall off the wagon, I'm going to regret it because I put five years into getting to the point that this physical fitness physique, this body, but I have put in five years of work, right. Which ps still can't do a pull up, still can't do a pushup. Thank you. But I still have worked many days a week have shown up. I've shown the F up. Okay. Showing up everyday that, and you don't give yourself enough credit for that.
Speaker 1:You show up every week. I might not be smiling, but I am there some weeks more than others. But you still show up and, and what you don't really realize is all the other benefits that you're getting from it. And just because you may not be seeing big physical changes, you know, you're stronger for it.
Speaker 4:Okay.
Speaker 1:You're building your bones because women get osteoporosis. Yeah. That kind of scares me the most. It's like I know I need to keep what's osteoporosis bone. Yeah. Yeah. Bone density goes down. Yeah. Um, and then, and then other things that women get and men get. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. So that's always been like a thing, like I don't want to die young or like withering away. I don't want to win. If I make it to my eighties, I don't want to wither away, but I also don't want to be big and unhealthy. And so that was my goal. It was like I just want to be better at myself. Yeah. The better version of me.
Speaker 2:Well, and I think it was nice that we had each other, even though I'm a horrible workout partner, I think it's nice that to have somebody to show up with and just kind of keep it going. I mean, now he's at a point where whether I did it or not, I think you'd be fully on board. Like he runs on his own on the weekends and you know, does a harder workout than me. Um, so I think you'd be in fine shape if I quit, but I just don't want you to quit. I don't want to quit either. Um, I do want to, but I don't know. Why do you hate it so much? I don't know. You know what it is? I hate everything about it. I bet you if you saw drastic changes quickly, you would stick around maybe. But I also feel like, yeah, but I also feel like everyone's like, oh my God, I have so much more energy when I work out and I'm this and that. Not me. I have the opposite. Lower sex drive, lower energy, everything is harder. I don't feel like it helps boost that I stuff. Maybe we're just working out too hard. I think we're just lifting, pumping too much iron. The days that I don't work out, I have way more energy during the day. I'm like ready to rock and roll and get things done. When I don't work out. The mornings that I start with a hard workout, I'm just like, all right, now I need a nap. Right. So that part of, it's really hard for me cause I'm already kind of a low energy person. A low energy person. Donald Trump would say forever. No, no. Anyway, I do. I do feel like I'm an introvert too, so I need a lot of recharge time and things like that. I just feel like there are, I'm an excited person too when the timing is excitable, but overall I just, I just want to things to be chill. You don't work, you're right, you're too pretty. But one thing that also like makes me think of is the self esteem thing because like you said, if I saw big physical changes, would I feel better about working out? And I don't know. Because there was a time where I was seeing the big physical changes. I was getting slimmer and stronger and I do think it was much more motivating than the places that I'm in now. But I lost, let's see, I probably went from one 58 to one 32 was my lowest. I think that's a lot for you and I felt slimmer, but I still hated my body. Right. I thought that when I lost 25 pounds I would be, I would look a certain way, but I look the same just in a smaller package. So I didn't have like all of a sudden have like a cute round belly button. My belly button's still like kind of sad and I still had like flabby areas on my hips and butt. Um, so I think, I think more important for me, and it's something that I'm still working on constantly, is just body acceptance. Because even when I was skinny, I was still picking myself apart. You and everybody out, 90% of people. Right. And I told you this yesterday or the day before, I'm like, even men have body dysmorphic is right. Oh absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. I think women get too much of the publicity on that front, on that, you know, well cause mental issue. I do think that like most women can relate, I'm sure men who are into fitness and you know, you can relate on a certain level. I think men, um,
Speaker 5:I think
Speaker 2:we deal with it differently. Maybe we deal with it differently. Okay. We, we all would love to have a six pack and have big guns and stuff, but you know, eventually you just get fat and, and it's just almost acceptable for men to drink beer and have a belly. Sure. And so we get away with that. That's kind of like our, you know, our,
Speaker 5:okay.
Speaker 2:Copout our escape goat is just like, well, he's just a guy and he drinks, he drinks his beer and has a belly. That's the thing that like confuses me. It's just because I would never look at another woman who was like overweight or had a gut or I would never look at her and go, Jesus Christ, like this woman needs to take care of herself. I don't think in those terms. But for some reason I constantly tell myself like how disgusting I am. Right? Like what? Why? Right. And I'm like, 90% of people are so concerned with how they look that they wouldn't care how I look. Right. So why do I care so much? I just don't understand the mentality and I don't know how to get past that mentality. Right. And so, yeah, so like in the last year I've gained 10 pounds and it's just been like trying to, instead of trying to be like on a hardcore diet again because I mean not that I haven't tried, I'll go like a week and I'm just like, I can't live like this. Like it's all mental, it's all mental and it's just like trying to reach that point of just accepting that like I'm 40 this is fine, you know? Yeah. I've had a kid, I'm not the peak of fitness, but I, you know, I'm healthy. When I went to my doctor, she said I had the best blood work sheet ever seen. I'm healthy. That's the important healthy, but I can't get over like how I look in a bathing suit, which was just so aggravating. Again,
Speaker 1:you and the other like 2.9 billion other,
Speaker 2:what don't you say? Like 90% of people don't like how they look at anything suit. Right. Why can't we just live? I don't know. I blame the Kardashians. Everything is their fault. Definitely. But yeah, and it, it brings up a good point because even going into like I was talking to or texting with a couple of my girlfriends and I was like, so basically what Pinterest has taught me is that I like skinny girls and pretty much any outfit. And one of my friends said, yeah, you know, it's true skinny cells and she's like, as much as I don't want to buy into that, isn't it weird how you're just naturally gravitated towards like thin images? And so it, it got me thinking about like where does my fascination or where does my, um, that draw come from? And because I was thinking back to like my mother and she was, um, she was always healthy and in good shape, but she never upset. I don't feel like she ever obsessed over her body or talked about being fat or told me that I needed to lose weight or that I was too big. Um, I never really had any experiences at school that, I mean, I had a couple I've told you about, like I think in fifth grade somebody told me I looked like I was pregnant and then, and then, um, and then there was times in seventh grade where I would look at my pants and just like, oh my God, my stomach is so disgusting. But like, why, why did I think that? And so I don't know if it's something that's this generation being brought up with like advertising and magazine. I don't know. Because do you feel like, I just think
Speaker 1:people are innately, we're hardwired to look at other people who are better than us, like who we deemed better than us and say, well, that's the healthy norm. And I, you know, I think it's like for survival purposes, it's just like, hmm. You're just like, well, that person looks healthy because they are skinnier than me. And so I need to be like that. Or that person gets to procreate more than me because they look a certain way.
Speaker 2:And I think genetically it's just the way we're predis predisposing olden times, like white fat ladies were aware it was at because it's like, oh that, that lady's huge and she's really well fed. So that is
Speaker 1:cause that all had to do with money because you either had or you didn't and you're either starving or you are, you are, you were full
Speaker 2:well taken care of so it's screwed up and you just can't give a shit. How do you I know, I don't know. I don't know how to, no, I don't think we're going to solve that in seven minutes. I want to not give a shit. And I mean you as a kid you got bullied sometimes. Sure. Cause I was Chubby. And if you look at the pictures
Speaker 1:from that time, it wasn't like you weren't like a big old kid. I wasn't a bit, I mean it's not like I like look, I loved my Tang Fuck anybody. If they think Tang wasn't where it was at. Oh I don't like saying I love Tang. I loved Koolaid. I loved sugar cereal. You do. You still have a sweet tooth. I have a sweet tooth and that there's anything wrong. No. And so I, you know, you could ask my sister, we would make very large cups of Tang and then slush out the bottom. Sugar remnants. And what does that mean? Slush out the bottom? Because at the bottom of the tank, yeah, there's always sugar leftover. I would slush it out with a spoon.
Speaker 2:I would straight up drinks
Speaker 1:or I would have my cereal and then I would add sugar to it and then drink the sugar. Milk sugar at the bottom of Cheerio's was gray. So what, where was I going with this? I said when you were a kid you were a little chubby and like, yeah. So I was a little chubby. I wasn't anything extraordinary, but I, you know, yeah, a little plump, little pudgy low Husky Guy, Husky. I think that's what it was. Somebody told me. Your, your Husky. I think I was told once and if that's the first grade. Yeah. And other things. There were the other, other, other situations. But you don't want to see me cry.
Speaker 2:But it's amazing how, how much that stuff sticks with you. You know, 30 years later, 40 years later, I think in how much it influences your childhood because when you get picked on other kids and those kids pick on other kids and it's like you're always just like self preservation, like trying to protect yourself from getting hurt. Yup. And it turns into this whole other,
Speaker 1:right. It's sad. Kids are shit. They're just trying to figure it out. I'm just trying to figure out, wait, when you say they're the shit, it sounds like they're awesome.
Speaker 2:They are all shit. Most all kids are shit. They're just trying to figure it out, honey. Right.
Speaker 1:But they don't have to be mean. I know, but they are. So there you have it. And then it took me, so it took me like 30 years to figure out not to give a shit right now.
Speaker 2:Uh, I, yes. I, I'm not gonna lie. You feel like you found a balance because I think there's a big difference of what? Of like not giving a shit but enjoying your life a little bit or like monitoring your diet. But still enjoying your life. I feel like you're in a good point. You're asking
Speaker 1:me. Yes, yes. There's a balance between I'm still going to eat the things that I want when I want, but then I'm going to spend most of my time during the week eating lots of fucking spinach. Oh my God, this guy eats so much spinach. I can't even tell you the kitchen chicken. And um, and then I go through phases and the last phase I went through was like three or four months where I was pretty on everything, tried to drop another 10 20 pounds. There was really no specific amount I was looking for, but I was just trying to get things back on track. And then since then it's just been, you know, kind of balance trying to keep it level because it's almost impossible not to go to work and somebody's not bringing in donuts or somebody not have cookies or somebody who will not make you know something. Yeah. So, um, yeah, you have to have balance because you can't live your whole life in a caloric deficit. Yeah. Cause I say it's a lifestyle change, but to what extent? Right. And you know, like at what cost. Right. And I tell you all the time like we're not, we're not training our bodies for the, you know, for our next runaway Gig. Nobody gives a fuck about what we look like. And so it really is the way I've tried to shift my perspective on my fitness is this dog is all just about like what goals that I want to reach for myself. Yeah. I want it to be able to hike half dome,
Speaker 2:which did,
Speaker 1:I hadn't done it since I was 18, so I wanted to try it again. This guy for hugging. Yeah.
Speaker 2:So anxious right now he wants his TV home. Yeah. Um, yeah. And I think that, I think having goals for yourself is really important. I know a lot of times, like we went to Disneyworld last September and leading up to the trip I was like, oh my God, I'm going to have to wear a bathing suit. And I was freaking out and like I got to go back on a diet. I got to get fit. I got to lose these five, 10 pounds. And the longer I went and the longer I tried where nothing was happening, I kind of reminded myself like, listen, if you lose five or 10 pounds or are you going to have more fun at Disney world or are you going to care less what you look like? And it was like, I actually know,
Speaker 1:oh, Danny, I am so sorry. Forgive me.
Speaker 2:And so, yeah. And so at that point, but then I sometimes feel like, okay, are you just making excuses for yourself because you don't want to be on a diet? And if I had really pushed through and lost that 10 pounds, maybe I would've felt better. Right. But honestly, sometimes just a few
Speaker 1:Margaritas by the pool and I'm fine. Best of both worlds. Yeah.
Speaker 2:So we have this Mexico trip coming up to, and of course I started thinking again like, oh my God, I'm going to be in a bathing suit in front of people. Like this is the worst thing ever. I need to lose 10 pounds. And I've been tracking my calories and like trying to do really good. And nothing's happening. So then I start saying, well, if I lose 10 pounds, is it really going to ruin my or make my trip better?
Speaker 1:Probably not. Right. And that, but that should be like your whole life. That should be life, right? Not just like these specific trips. If I lose five or 10 pounds, am I going to be healthier? If
Speaker 2:I lose five or 10 pounds, am I going to feel better about myself? Right. Why do you think that you, I mean, I always think that I will. Like you have, I lose 10 pounds. I'm going to be like on top of the world and then I lose them and I'm like, I could lose five more. Right. I don't know. Yeah. Anyway, it's in mind. It's all in your head. It's all mind game and I just don't know how to be cool. See, oh, just be cool. Huh? I Dunno. I don't know the answer. I don't know the answer to life's questions.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Nobody. Okay, cool. All right. Thanks for listening guys. If you have any comments about fitness, diet, culture, things like that, leave it below in the comments and make sure to subscribe. And Mel.